I Almost Bailed at My Wedding

My secret? I almost bailed at my wedding.

I was still in love with my ex. And although I ended up marrying, I was still in love with my ex for about 2 more years.

Sometimes I talk online and feel I connect to other guys.

The sad part? I honestly love my husband.
---
Seems to me you should have done your husband a favor and bailed, but instead you only thought of yourself. How selfish.
---
I started the relationship with my currentgirl while I still wasnt over my ex. its taken about 6 months to get over it. my gf knows, and brings it up in every discussion she's losing... but I honestly love my girl, about 10 times more then Ive ever had feelings for my ex. perhaps I should wait longer then 1 month after a 3 year relationship to start a new one
---
love alone can tear a person apart.
---
it is a shame when you marry someone out of some disjointed loyalty only to spend the rest of your married life miserable

c.u.f
---
Yep - I almost married someone out of loyalty - thank heavens I saw the light!
---

You know, I have a different point of view about all this. First off, I don't see anyone in this oceangram who married anybody out of loyalty, misplaced or otherwise,. Except for the person just before me, who apparently did.

Second, a lot of people are still in love with their ex after a divorce. That depends on who initiated the divorce and what the issues were. That's pretty normal.
Do you have to wait to have another relationship until the coals of a first are completely dead, I'd say it depends. I don't think it's necessary for all positive feelings about an ex to disappear. However, if you have active plans to socialize with your ex or even try to sleep with him again, you're not ready for another relationship. If you still have thoughts in your head, but no real desire or intention to act on them , I'd say you're ready - go ahead.

Third, as far as I'm concerned, being in a committed relationship doesn't mean that you can't feel you connect with other guys. At least, if "connect" is beng used the way I would use it. Having a committed relationship doesn't mean you can't have connections with other men.

The first person here loves her husband. I don't see that she has anything to be sorry or worried about. At least from what I read in the message. I think some of the people who've added to this oceangram are assuming a lot that isn't said and being very judgmentmental about what they think has been said.

OK. I'm done. Utah USA 9/21/06
-sc
---
Well said sc !
Different strokes for different folks. I thhink we can have different sorts of feelings of love. I love several of my friends. Some I just have acquaintances with. All men (as am I) but I have no desire to run away with them and live with them. Slightly different with opposite sex but same principle. As long as there aren't the dangerous 'romantic' fantasies or lust it can work perfectly well. If my wife was still friends with her ex, I could deal with that. If she spent weekends with him I'd worry ! I gues I'm saying that love can change shape from romantic or lustful to cosy and friendly. And there must always be happy times to remember. Don't look for perfection in life. Just make the most of what you have and try not to hurt anyone. RG UK
---
I'm totally not married.
---
Great words of wisdom in this botle.
---
Get counseling!EVERYONE!
---
Umm errr .. what they said .. nothing to add here .. Back goes the bottle.
---
A lot of people discussing it is better than one trying to deal with it alone.
---
I wonder whether the original sender is tracking this? I only want to add that even when in a relationship, people can't help it if they feel "crushes" and/or "connections" to other men or women. These things can pass. It's only a problem if you act on it. Or actively seek it out. Don't ruin what you have on a whim, but don't string your husband along, either.
---
Lots of words of wisdom. I made a serious mistake when I married my second husband as he was a horrible mean man. The details would shock anyone but even though I divorced him many long years ago and have no contact it hurt me and my family and the effects are still evident. Take your time choosing a life partner. Six more months and I would never have married him. If a person has met "the right one" he/she will still be there in six months or a year. If it's the wrong person, they will be long gone.

Found by Sera